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| September 2009 |  |
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very generation of parents has a child-raising mission. And many in
this generation focus on happiness. But the desire to endlessly smooth
the way for kids and make them feel good about themselves “isn’t
really making our children happier,” says Richard Weissbourd,
Ed.D., a child and family psychologist who teaches at the Harvard
Graduate School of Education.In his important new book, The Parents We Mean To Be, he says it is clearly troubling that many parents are paying so  much
attention to their children’s happiness and self-esteem and
too little on their moral development.As Dr. Weissbourd describes how happiness and morality can and do coexist, he makes a clear plea to shift our parenting goals and concentrate less on happiness and more on nurturing kids’ healthy maturity. This involves encouraging honesty, kindness, loyalty, generosity and a commitment to justice—qualities that are at the heart of morality and lasting well-being. The author addresses a range of issues such as: why so many parents are seeking a new kind of closeness with their children, the real danger in the “achievement craze,” the moral power of schools, and the mature sports parent. Many of his concerns can be seen as too much of a good thing: for example, well-intentioned parents who have a hard time letting go of their children and praising kids constantly for almost anything they do. Dr. Weissbourd also looks at the differences in effective parenting practices across race and class. This excellent book illuminates profound issues in a down-to-earth way. It provides sound recommendations and concrete strategies to help parents raise children who are both happy and moral. (See front page feature.) The Parents We Mean To Be: How Well-intentioned Adults Undermine Children’s Moral and Emotional Development (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2009, hardcover, $25) is available in bookstores and online.  |
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