an love at first sight last a lifetime or does that only happen
in the movies? It depends on how diligently the smitten couple work
on their relationship after the smoke clears, says researcher Pieternel
Dijkstra of the University of Groningen in the Netherlands.
In their study of 137 couples, Dr. Dijkstra and her research partner
(and husband) Dick Barelds found no difference in commitment, intimacy
or the quality of relationship between those who fell in love at
first sight and those who were friends first.
In fact, the couples who were friends first also shared more personality
traits, which is conducive to greater harmony in the long run. In
other words, opposites do attract sometimes—but they may be
less likely to stay together.
The Dutch researchers concede that their subject pool may have been
unrepresentative. “I suspect that a lot of people who fell
in love at first sight may already have divorced,” Dijkstra
says.
Her suggestion is that initial infatuation is mostly chemical, and
that’s not bad—just so long as the lovers commit to
refueling the flame as time goes by.
Based on success stories from this study, it looks like there is
one compatibility hurdle that cannot be overcome, even by the most
passionate couples. Differences in “conscientiousness,”
or taking responsibility, turned out to be a deal-breaker for couples.
As it happens, Dijkstra and her husband felt some early sparks but
they became friends first. They’ve been together for ten years
and married for five.
“When I first saw him, I looked in his eyes and thought, well
I think I will have some type of relationship with this person,”
Dijkstra says. “I don’t know if I can qualify this as
love at first sight, but there was something.”
Dutch
researchers on ‘love at first sight’
(click)
Use
of pedometers encourages walking (click)
Outsider
perspective can be motivating (click)
Front
Page Feature | Interchange
| Elder Issues | Parenting
| On the Job
A Healthy You | We
Recommend | Home
|