History & Mission  |   Why Subscribe   |   How to Subscribe   |   Special Offer Sample Issues   |   Examples of Topics Covered   |   Home June 2008  Time to let Mom and Dad do it themselves Here’s a man who loves to cook for his family.  nce a week, Laura brings food and cooks dinner for her mother after work. “Mom’s done so much for me,” she says. “I feel good doing things for her.” However, doing things for an older person may not be the best form of help, especially if it means taking over a task the older person does routinely. Instead of cooking for her mother, it might be better if Laura and her mom made their meal together and went out for a walk after dinner. When an older relative’s ability to handle everyday activities starts to decline, the natural response is to take over some of those tasks. And the “let me do it for you” approach was supported by the medical establishment for a long time. But that thinking has changed as a result of extensive research in areas of health and aging. Older people really do want more responsibility Completing as many of one’s own daily tasks and activities as possible is important for maintaining both physical and mental health. Studies by Rockefeller Foundation President Judith Rodin, Ph.D., when she was at Yale, have shown that even very frail older people are healthier and happier when they have responsibility for their own lives. People who feel like they’re mastering their own environment are more likely to continue living independently than are people who have the same level of ability but do not have those feelings of capability. Gerontologist Janet K. Belsky, Ph.D., author of The Psychology of Aging, has found that a condition of actual physical deterioration, which she refers to as “excess disability,” is often a result of the following situations: When well-meaning helpers or environmental barriers prevent older people from doing tasks they are physically able to do. When older people who have fallen or have experienced a medical scare choose to restrict their own activities because they fear a repeat incident. When the disabling side effects of medication are mistakenly accepted as the inevitable deterioration of “old age.” “Use it or lose it” phenomenon It often happens that when older people curtail some of their activities, they begin to lose their abilities in other areas as well. For example, when joints do not move very much over a period of time, shoulders and hips start to freeze up. Motion becomes even more limited and the loss spreads to other joints and muscles. Exercise DVD for older people THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF AGING has a 48-minute DVD and guidebook that shows people how to start and stick with a safe, effective program of stretching, balance and strength-training exercise. It features Margaret Richard, star of “Body Electric,” the popular exercise show on PBS. The guidebook also has information about how exercise and proper nutrition are crucial for staying healthy as we age. Scientists and doctors collaborated to provide useful tips for older people who want to take those first steps toward a more active lifestyle. TO ORDER THE DVD, send a check or money order for $7, made out to National Institute on Aging, to: NIAIC, Dept. W, P.O. Box 8057, Gaithersburg, MD 20898-8057 (allow 2-4 weeks for delivery). The guidebook is also available in Spanish: “El Ejercicio y Su Salud.” For more information visit www.nia.nih.gov. The way to avoid this loss of motion is through regular exercise. Many studies have demonstrated the positive benefits of even doing routine housework and walking every day. Generational differences The generation now in their 80’s and 90’s lived through the Great Depression and was taught to keep a stiff upper lip. For many older people, “suffering in silence” is a sign of good character. But this can be baffling to their boomer-generation children who are more likely to “let it all hang out” and “share” their pain. The result is that many older people hate to ask for help or to say how they feel because they don’t want to worry their children, says family advocate Mary Pipher, author of Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders. Older people don’t want to be perceived as weak or ill because they’re afraid their relationships with their kids will change. But if we can acknowledge our differences, the generations can learn from each other, says Pipher. Older people can teach the young about resilience and humor in times of trouble, and boomers can help their parents become more comfortable about expressing their needs and feelings. Resist the urge to hover As the late humorist Erma Bombeck once wrote, “Don’t be in such a hurry to declare Mom’s Day of Dependence. As long as Mom has a mind, let her use it. As long as she has legs, let her push them to the limit. As long as she has ideas, let her develop them. As long as she has opinions, let her express them. As long as she has purpose, let her be… “There isn’t a daughter in this world who doesn’t ache to button the top button on her mother’s coat, offer to drive, insist on having the family for Thanksgiving and Christmas, give advice on hemlines, plan her outings, pay for her lunch and put a sweater on her when she isn’t cold. “Whenever you are tempted to do for Mom what she can still do for herself, just remember…she allowed you to be independent…now do it for her.” Front Page Feature | Interchange | Research Review | Elder Issues | Parenting On the Job | We Recommend | A Healthy You | Home

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