March 2009  Creating memories with your grandchildren When Sarah visits, she and her grandfather like to garden together. By Susan Newman, Ph.D. one of us will be moving into the White House. Nonetheless, like Marian Robinson, Malia and Sasha Obama’s grandmother, we can fill our grandchildren’s memory banks and strengthen our connections to them whether we provide hugs and love, our undivided attention, adventures or know-how. Everything we do with our grandchildren grows the relationship. More often than not, it is the small efforts that bring you closer. Take advantage of every opportunity to connect. If something is important to your grandchild, make it important to you. Listen to what he or she has to say without asking too many questions. Eventually, you will hear the key message and it just might be “I love you.” Devise an affectionate, clever name for each grandchild. Whether it’s “Bob-cat” or “Anna Banana,” its regular use will become part of family lore. Develop a trademark kiss unique for each grandchild. Two pecks on the tip of the nose, one peck on each cheek, one long, two short kisses on the forehead. Invent a silent symbol of your connection to your grandchild: for example, thumbs up, quiet clapping, the peace sign, a wink, or a gentle tug on an earlobe. Ask for your grandchild’s help—to bake a cake, rake the leaves, or build a birdhouse. Children like to be useful. It makes them feel important and special. Have your grandchild teach you dance steps, a karate move or how to do something on the computer. Creating connections near & far Whether you live around the corner or five states away, you can easily stay connected to your grandchildren and be part of their growing up. Here are a few suggestions: Know your grandkids’ e-mail addresses. Send or text brief notes now and then or a link to a web page that will interest them. With very young children, send messages to a parent who can read them aloud to the child. Find out about upcoming activities or events your grandchild is involved with before you visit or to highlight in e-mails. Call before a major event takes place to wish your grandchild good luck. Use a video communications program like Skype so you can see and talk to grandchildren via your computer. Ask older grandchildren or their parents to recommend a program that will work best in your family and with your computer skills. Start a book club. Name it after your grandchild (the Lindsay Rose Book Club) and send or give her or him a book once a month. Pick up books inexpensively at yard sales, used-book sellers or thrift stores. Read bedtime stories onto a CD or DVD and mail the disk along with the book so your grandchild can follow along. Order a subscription to your grandchild’s favorite magazine. When it arrives each month he or she will be reminded of you. Send newspaper and magazine articles or movie reviews you think your grandchild would enjoy. When you’re taking family photos, hand over the camera to your grandchild to take a few pictures. Using an adult’s camera is serious business and the pictures are a reminder of that privilege. Tell grandkids stories about your childhood. Children especially enjoy hearing about incidents in which you were embarrassed or did something “silly” or “stupid.” Start a tradition. Pass along to your grandchildren objects that belonged to their parents: a favorite cereal bowl, a blanket, a high school letter sweater, books, or a vacation scrapbook. Personalize birthday cards for a young grandchild by snipping the child’s picture from an extra photograph and attaching it to a cake or drawing on the card. Serve breakfast for dinner when you’re in charge. Delight a grandchild with his or her favorite breakfast at dinnertime or have a tea party in the middle of the afternoon. Say who’s who. Go through old photos together and explain who the relatives are and how they are connected to your grandchild. Work on the family tree together. Use your knowledge of family and a grandchild’s computer know-how to build the family tree. Make “the bottom drawer” a special place to keep odd items your grandchild might like: an extra box of crayons, old costume jewelry, small pads of paper, a key chain, a book. On each visit to your house, allow your grandchild to select one surprise from the bottom drawer. Solicit gift ideas from grandchildren for their siblings’ and parents’ birthday or an anniversary. Offer to help them create a gift or shop for them. If you visit a special place together, buy a few extra postcards to mail after the trip to remind your grandchild of the fun things you saw and did. Always point out the strengths of each grandchild. Tell him or her how impressed you are with a particular ability or a strong character trait. For example, let your grandchild know that you appreciate his or her wit and sense of humor. Adapted from “Little Things Mean a Lot: Creating Happy Memories with Your Grandchildren” by Susan Newman, Ph.D. (Crown Publishers). For more ideas, see susannewmanphd.com.   Front Page Feature | Interchange | Research Review | Elder Issues | Parenting On the Job | We Recommend | A Healthy You | Home

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