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| January 2010 |  |
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n our dreams, we can deliver brilliant, witty, perfectly timed zingers.
But coming up with exactly the right words at the right moment is
not so easy in real life, especially at the workplace. When opportunities
do arise, we sometimes say too much or too little or the wrong thing
entirely.“I can replay so many embarrassing incidents in my head,” says Jason. “Like when I sat next to the president of our company on a two-hour flight and buried my head in a book because I couldn’t think of anything to say.” What’s the big deal anyway? Schmoozing with a friend is easy. But what do you say to a new boss when you run into him in the parking lot or you both arrived early for a meeting? We’ve all been in situations where we said something embarrassing. “I thought if you had talent and skill, you didn’t have to be concerned about things like small talk,” says Ada. “But no matter how good you are, you can’t just be Johnny One Note, slaving away at your job. You need to be comfortable in different kinds of situations.” Says Kate: “People who talk only about their work come across as narrow. I want to be seen as an individual with many interests—as someone who has a life.” Small talk can create rapport The most successful small talk is neither trivial nor a way to curry favor. It can help you create rapport with your coworkers and your supervisors. It’s hard to generalize, but women seem to feel more comfortable than men in sharing family information. “I like to say something about my family and how things have changed since I was a kid,” says Rita, a grandmother who runs workshops for nonprofit organizations. “It helps people relax. They say things that give me insight into their thought processes.”
Granted, we may never learn how to sing on key, but the social skill of making polite conversation is something we can easily acquire with a little practice. Here are a few suggestions. 
Focus on the other person. Don’t think about
yourself and what you’re feeling. If you’re meeting a
colleague outside the workplace for the first time, you might find
out a little something about the person’s background and interests
ahead of time.
Be
a good listener. Let people talk about themselves.
Show your interest. Ask for details and offer a few words of encouragement.
Be sincere—and don’t rush to share everything you’ve
just been told.
Balance
self-disclosure with privacy. Be sensitive to timing.
Let the social side of a work relationship develop naturally. Don’t
try to “jump start” intimacy. If you share a juicy tidbit,
don’t expect the other person to do the same.
Think
before you click. Be aware that some of the things
you might say in person don’t come across as well in writing.
Before you send a text or click the Send e-mail button, ask yourself,
“Will I be comfortable sharing this information no matter who
ends up reading it?”Party talk suggestions Office parties can be more than free food and drinks. They can be an opportunity to introduce yourself to managers you don’t interact with on a daily basis. Here are some tips from business author and coach Barbara Pachter.
Be
prepared. Know the person you’re talking to and
what his or her role is in the organization. Use the information as
a way to start a conversation. But don’t overdo it. Remember,
you’re at a party, not giving a presentation. Keep it natural.
Don’t
have more than one drink. It’s a party, but it’s
not your party. Consider it a work event. Don’t be tipsy when
you approach people. They may be helpful to your future career, so
don't make a bad impression.
Give
yourself a pep talk. Starting a conversation with your
boss’s boss can be intimidating. Know your value. Make a mental
list of the things you’ve worked on over the past year. Once
you’ve got this down, there’s no reason to not feel good
about yourself—and to have something interesting to say to other
people.
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