February 2009  Making the transition from partner to parent ost new parents quickly discover that the arrival of a newborn can put a serious strain on even the best of marriages. Many parents who find themselves coping with new priorities and a changed lifestyle complain about having too little sex, too little fun—and too many arguments. It’s not necessary to resolve every single issue as it comes your way, says Carol Lindquist, Ph.D., author of Happily Married with Kids. What’s more important is to look at each issue as a couple and learn to appreciate (and ideally, to laugh at) your differences. This is what creates closeness in a marriage, says Dr. Lindquist, who has worked as a therapist and leader of couple workshops for more than 25 years. In her book, she describes the stages couples go through and talks about how they can enjoy their children—and each other—at every age and stage. She discusses negotiating styles, tips for handling ghosts from the past, differences in male and female expectations and the importance of listening skills (see Front Page article). Dr. Lindquist offers a mantra that bears repeating: Live, learn, love, laugh. And though her emphasis is on parents, she also offers advice for creating and supporting positive relationships for couples without children. She points out some of the characteristics of a thriving marriage with children such as: Both parents frequently express their appreciation and fondness in ways their partner recognizes. Both actively contribute to the marriage and neither partner feels put upon or used. Both parents are able to constructively complain without blaming. Both have a shared vision of their relationship and what’s important to them. Happily Married with Kids: It’s NOT Just a Fairy Tale (Berkley Books, paperback $14) is available in bookstores and online. Front Page Feature | Interchange | Research Review | Elder Issues | Parenting On the Job | We Recommend | A Healthy You | Home

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