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Real
differences between boys and girls are less than you might think |
e’ve heard a lot in recent years about the innate differences
between boys and girl. But, overall, males and females are born
remarkably alike. We are not hardwired differently, as the “Mars-Venus”
philosophy suggests. In fact, there’s very little solid evidence
of gender-based differences in kids’ brains. Nearly all of
the evidence for sex differences comes from the brain studies of
adult men and women. To be sure, there are natural differences. But these become magnified through our parenting, marketing (pink blankets, blue blankets) and especially through children’s own culture. Indeed, infant brains are so malleable that small differences at birth become amplified over time as parents, teachers and the culture at large often unwittingly encourage gender stereotypes. The brain actually changes in response to its own experience. Every task we spend time on—reading, watching television, crying, throwing balls—builds and reinforces active brain circuits at the expense of other inactive ones. Scientists no longer pit nature and nurture against each other but appreciate that they are intricately interwoven. The environment acts on our genes. Height, for example, is strongly determined by genes. But despite one’s genetic potential, a child cannot grow tall if he or she is undernourished. Some gender traits are surprising Early in infancy, boys are a bit larger but, surprisingly, are more vulnerable than girls. They are more likely to be fussier, harder to soothe and, by three or four months of age, less socially attuned. Boys’ senses of touch, smell and hearing are likely to be a little less acute than girls’—and their language, memory and fine motor skills also lag during the first year of life. Where boys do tend to excel is in their gross motor development—sitting, standing and walking at the same ages as girls, despite their slower maturation. While girls are easier to care for and more socially aware, they typically do not get as much encouragement as boys do for their physical development and emotional independence—two
The following tips are more suited to one or the other sex, but they can benefit all babies. What parents can do Talk to babies, especially boys. The amount of language addressed to a child in the first few years of life significantly influences his or her vocabulary size, reading ability and writing skills. Parents of boys should be especially talkative. Use every interaction to communicate. Narrate your activities: “Now, I’m going to change your diaper,” “Let’s put on your coat so we can go outside.” Sing songs and introduce rhymes. DVDs such as Baby Einstein do not teach children to communicate. In fact, a recent study showed that an hour a day of such viewing between eight and 16 months actually resulted in a drop in vocabulary development. Listen, too. Babies learn as much about language from their own attempts at vocalization as they do from our chatter. Stop, listen and respond to his vocalization, coos and babbles. Talk to your baby, not over him. Speech is an intricate mental and motor skill, so anything you can do to encourage your baby’s vocal practice is going to help, especially with boys, who are more likely than girls to develop later speech problems. Find books for babies. Studies show that the most thorough language instruction parents can engage in while reading to young children is to emphasize new words and point to pictures that create concrete meaning in babies’ minds. Books inspire parents to ask their babies questions, coaxing along speech and vocal practice. Reading together is also the ultimate quality time—cozy, educational and a wonderful bonding experience. It’s particularly important for boys who can use an extra dose of language and emotional enrichment. Watch out for ear infections, especially in boys. They tend to be more susceptible than girls are, so this can be another factor working against them during the critical period of language development. After a cold or other illness, a baby’s ears should be checked for several weeks to monitor how long they remain filled with fluid. Stop “parking” your baby. If children are parked for a long time in car seats, strollers, high chairs, bouncy seats and electric swings, they do not get enough physical exercise or opportunities to challenge their developing balance and postural abilities. This “parking” trend is bad for both boys and girls—but for different reasons. Girls tend to fall behind in their physicality and spatial skills during the preschool years. The many variations of recliner seats can reinforce this tendency. We need to get girl babies moving and encourage their physical independence. This will benefit their later fitness, gross motor abilities and perhaps even spatial skills. Boys’ motor development also suffers from being parked in various infant holders. But an additional issue for them is the social isolation these seats enforce. Babies simply do not get talked to as much when they are being carried around in a car seat or stroller. Try to limit the number of such seats: a car seat (only for car rides), a high chair (only for meals) and a stroller (only for longer walks). Be responsive and sensitive. You can’t spoil a baby by responding promptly and warmly to him or her, but the exact prescription for sensitive, responsive caregiving may differ for girls and boys—and for babies of either sex with different temperaments. Boys tend to be more needy as infants. They may also be less physically mature and take longer to develop self-calming skills such as hand-sucking or pulling into tightly tucked posture that help them compensate when overwhelmed. Parents may need to step in sooner with a boy, picking him up, changing his position or giving him a soothing ring to grasp and suck on. Here’s where stereotyping gets in the way. In the general spirit of “toughening them up,” parents may let their baby boys fuss and squirm longer, or they may resort to videos or electronic swings to entertain them without helping them to discover their own self-calming skills. Girls, on the other hand, can sometimes be too easy. Complacent, quiet babies may not get as much attention as fussier types. As a result, they may actually suffer from a lack of stimulation and the interaction they need to fully develop their motor and cognitive skills. Girls need challenge, even as infants. More compliant baby girls may be getting less physical activity than their more demanding age mates. Parents also tend to be more cautious with girls. But, in fact, girls need greater freedom to explore and to push their physical limits. Avoid stereotyping. Just because your new baby is a girl doesn’t mean she will not be interested in trucks and trains and rolling a ball across the floor with you. Or just because he’s a boy doesn’t mean he will not be scared of going down a slide or that he doesn’t need lots of cuddling. Praise girls for their strength, praise boys for their tenderness. Overcoming the tendency to stereotype requires a conscious effort, and it’s best to start when your child is an infant. Well before they start to demand their own “pink” or “blue” clothes (which they may do later), boys and girls can be seen for who they truly are: social, active, fussy, compliant, vocal, quiet, alert, intense, relaxed, funny, curious, or squirmy. Parents of infants should savor this gender-free zone. Follow babies’ own cues as to what they need as individuals rather than as tiny boys and girls. 
Adapted from the author’s new book “Pink Brain, Blue Brain” (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt). Next month, we’ll talk about boys and girls in the preschool years. See We Recommend.
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