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| April 2009 |  |
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uch of the speaking that you do at the workplace has one main purpose:
to influence others. That is, you need people to understand your ideas
and, ideally, to do what you’re asking them to do. But for this to happen most effectively, you need to learn something basic to the spoken word: when and how to pause. Just asking people to pause is where we get the most initial resistance. Yet, at the end of our workshops and consultations, the pause is consistently the biggest “ah-ha” our participants experience. In fact, the lack of pauses is the No. 1 habit we help to correct. Why people don’t pause We know what some of you are thinking. You just can’t pause—for all these reasons:  I only
have a limited time with the people I’m talking to. No matter how much time you have, it is imperative to let people digest what you’ve said. If you don’t, it sounds to others like a verbal onslaught.
People will interrupt me if I pause.
People tend to interrupt when they have stopped listening to what you’re saying. They’re just waiting for that moment when you take a breath and will use that as an opportunity to interrupt.
People will think I don’t know
what I am talking about. Your audience can only know that you are knowledgeable if you give them time to think.
I’m afraid I’ll
forget what I have to say. Most people speak at an average of 125 words a minute, and they think at an average of 500 words a minute. Your mind will work for you if you pause.
I’m afraid of the
silence. This fear comes from the reasons we just identified. But when someone doesn’t stop talking, it can sound like white noise, which lulls people to sleep. That’s the silence you should really be afraid of. The benefits are immediate As you practice pausing, your resistance fades fast—because of the immediate benefits you realize. For example:
You can gather your thoughts
and stay on track.
You have time to breathe
and relax.
You can control your pace.
Many people think they speak too fast, but very few actually do. You just need to stop speaking. Pausing is not about speaking slowly. It’s about breathing. And your audience benefits too when you pause. Here’s how:
They can process what you
say. Most people can quickly grasp what you say, but they can only do it when you pause.
They have a real image of what you’re
saying to them. Pauses allow people to relate their own experiences to what you are saying.
Pauses tell your audience
that you know your stuff.Pauses also give your audience time to formulate their questions. How to do it
Simply stop talking. Breathe. Eliminate meaningless words and phrases—such as “uh,” “er” or “you know”—that you may now be using unconsciously as “filler” so there’s no “dead air” space.
Think of it as verbal punctuation.
When you come to a comma, pause. When you come to a period, pause longer. When you come to a question mark, pause even longer.
Pause for all the time
that’s needed. One second, two, three and occasionally longer. You’ll know what is needed because, like your audience, you now have time to think about what you are saying.
Speak in shorter thoughts or sentences.
Filler words often end up making a really long, unintelligible sentence. Without fillers and with verbal punctuation, sentences become easier to say and, as a result, easier to understand. Here’s when to pause
Any time you speak: face-to-face, at
meetings or at group presentations.
After you ask a question.
When you want to emphasize
a point or idea.
When you need time to gather your thoughts.
When you want or need to refer to your
notes.
When you move your eyes from one person
to another.
When you interact with PowerPoint or
other visual aids. The power of the pause is, in a word, phenomenal. It has been celebrated since at least the first century B.C. when Publilius Syrus, a Latin writer of maxims, said, “I have never regretted my silence, I have regretted my speech.” Practice makes perfect
Try it today—in
all of your conversations, not just those that are business related.
Write your filler word
or words on a post-it note and place the note in front
of you at your desk or at a meeting—to remind yourself not to
use them and to pause instead.
Audiotape yourself on
occasion.
For the next month, review
your voice mail messages before you send them out.
Monitor the progress you have made adding pauses and eliminating filler
words.
Tell others what you’re
trying to achieve and ask for their feedback. 
—Adapted from the authors’ new book “Yes You Can: Everything You Need from A to Z to Influence Others to Take Action” (Authorhouse). Visit stacyhanke.com. |
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